That didn't last long

LOL my relationships keep getting shorter and shorter. I think I am getting pickier in my old age ^_^ No really, I am doing just fine. I was preoccupied with the boyfriend, but mostly I have been battleing my fibromyalgia. It flares up from time to time. This flare up has lasted for a few months now. I am battleing fatigue and pain at the same time. I always have a little of both and a lot of one or the other, but about 3-5 times a year they both gang up on me! Loosers.
My life lately has consited of church on Sunday, tutoring on Monday, visiting Mrs. Bishop on Tuesdays followed by game night, I haven't been going to church on Wednesdays or singing in the choir the fibro has really taken a toll and I just don't feel like being in front of people, Thursday is a free day most weeks, and Friday and Saturday are friend/date nights. Other than that I have a ton of time to update my blog.
I have managed to update the company blog frequently. I just wish there were more people reading it. I added google anylictics to track the vies and there just aren't that many. Check it out via the link on the right side of the screen if you want. I welcome any possible topics you would like to know more about.
I am thinking about buying a laptop, which would make it easier for me to update. I could be in the livingroom on the couch rather than at my desk. Wish me luck budgeting for that!

Have a great week!

Oh yeah I dyed my hair for the first time too! How do you like the red?

MIA

Yeah so if you haven't figured it out, I have a silly boyfriend again. I was doing so well keeping this thing updated until he came along. Life is good. Work is good. I am at work now though, so I have to get back to work now. Buh bye!

$51.60

Waking up at 4:30 wasn't so terrible this morning. Granted I don't want to do it often, but once in a while isn't bad. It was a slow yard sale day. I think we had about 13 people stop and walk up the hill to view our array of goods. I will post a pic soon of my house, walking up the front steps is a nightmare. I think it actually deterred some yard sale seekers. They slowed down and looked but never got out. Of course, they could have been looking at my dear roommate or co-worker on the exercise thing that was amusing.

I was so happy with myself, I only brought one item back in the house today. I've already forgotten what it was, so I probably didn't need to save it from the yard sale. That was always my problem as a child. My mom would make me go through my stuff every few months and we would box it up. Then, once a year we would have a yard sale. My gosh, by the time the yard sale came those were like new toys that I had never seen or played with before! I would spend the entire Saturday morning sneaking stuff back into my bedroom. She eventually made me start buying the stuff back from her. And there was no haggling if it was me buying it back. The kid down the street could pay .10 but it was a quarter for me!

We are planning another yard sale for the first week of May. This time with tables. The church yard sale was today and they were using all the tables :( I laid stuff on sheets on the ground. People are lazy they don't like to look on the ground for some reason. I mean come on people there is a $50 Express shirt for a buck fifty; bend your lazy @*& down and get it. All in all it was a good day. I made $22 Jess made $12 and Kelly made $17.

My Mom is going to faint

My mother taught me how to keep a clean house. Honestly she did. We had a maid for a while then when i got a little older my mom let her go for a few years. He intent was to make sure i knew how to keep a clean house. Well I know how, but that certainly doesn't mean i keep things neat and tidy.
Don't get me wrong, I don't have bugs running all over the house. I don't worry about rats, I do worry about breaking my leg in the middle of the night. So, my mother is coming to visit today. I prepared her... "Momma, i could really use your help with some spring cleaning" to my surprise she agreed. During college when she would visit, it was always accompanied with a sighed "i know you know how to clean." I keep waiting for the domestic house cleaner side of my personality to kick in. I think i need a jump start. And quite possibly a mentor. Someone other than my mom or roommate to ask me those really tough questions. Like:
Did you clean underneath the toaster?
Have you done laundry this week?
When is the last time you dusted?
Surprise visits wouldn't hurt either. I hate being embarrassed by having a dirty house. Knowing someone i admire might drop by at any time would provide a certain level of motivation for keeping a tidy house. For those of you who have mastered keeping a nice spotless house, how do you do it? I have a chore chart on the refrigerator, it has been there for two years and never marked on, but by golly it is there!

2:00? When Did 1:00 Get Here?

No way is it already 2:30! I have been so busy at work this morning that i did something totally out of character. I missed lunch. I was busy working on a new graphic for the website and completely missed lunch. Unbelievable! I am going to attempt to include the graphic that made me miss lunch, but i sometimes have issues with uploading things to my blog. If you are curious and can't see it here you can always go to http://www.comalacu.com/ to view some of my handiwork.

Good Friday

I'm sure there is a valid answer to my question, but i'm asking anyway. If today is the day Christ was Crucified and died, why is it called good friday? I know that He arose on the third day, and that is good. But what is good about today. Is it good for us because we are all sinners and now our sins are covered and forgiven? Wikipedia had an interesting answer. And as i think about it, i remeber being told that before.
What we call today isn't important. What we celebrate today IS. Today we reckognize Christ sacrifice for us. God is a loving and forgiving God, but He is also a just God. Without Christ blood covering our sins, we would have no hope. Good friday has always struck a cord with me. I find myself wondering what side i would have been on. Would I be one yelling Crucify Him?

I suck

Yeah so I am not very good at updating this. Today is no exception. I just wanted to let you all know I am still alive.

1 week until Christmas?!

Wow time flies! Ok, new job... love it. Single ... again I GIVE UP! Maybe this single thing is short term. He wants time to think about things. Yeah so whatever that means.
Happy Holidays!

Memories

Some memories we try to hold on to forever, and some we try so hard to forget. Time never stands still, one day you wake up and your little brother is 13. I remember the day he was born, I was in 5th grade and my grandma came to pick me up from school early. I said, "Well it's about time!" as I ran out of the class room. Went down to the hospital and met my baby brother. He didn't have a name for 3 days, he was called Baby Smith. I stayed with my cousin that night and got to go trick-or-treating for the first time in a neighborhood. We had always just gone to the houses where we knew people, but this year I was in Dothan and went up and down tons of streets with Anna. We would make trips back to the car empty our bags into a big black trash bag and go out again. I had candy for what seemed like years.
Thirteen years later, my brother is a teenager. My grandmother passed away 7 years ago. My little cousin is a wife and mother. My parents are divorced, and I am haunted by memories. Memories of the last 12 months. Memories of feeling like the most loved and special girl in the world. Promises of forever, of land and a house, of kids, and of loving future in-laws. Promises from a certain man who, in my eyes, hung the moon.
Time heals all wounds, so they say. I guess I am still waiting for this scar to fade away. Trying so hard to remember the bad things. Trying so hard to enjoy the life I have now. Trying to forget all those then wonderful, now horrible memories.

October 12! When did September end?

Ok very very brief recap of the last month:
Interview with Peterbuilt Trucking company for a warranty/customer service position
Interview with Girl Scouts for a public relations/ marketing position
Interview with Comala Credit Union for a Marketing position
... Wait... Still waiting... RING
Second interview with Comala Credit Union they hope to make a decision by next week!!
And now, I am cleaning out the second bedroom so Squirrel can move in Friday

Oh So True

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that
"computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gottena better model.

The women won.

Heather is married!

Thursday morning I left for the beach. Heather wanted a small beach wedding; well heather really only wanted family at her wedding, but Cade wanted a slightly bigger gathering. Several of us arrived Thursday afternoon in time to chill on the beach. It was a great start to the weekend.
A strange man we had been watching kayak back and forth across the ocean warned us of jelly fish. We remembered to watch out for them for a long time considering our drinking habits over the previous hours. It was bound to happen though and I was the first. I was swimming backwards to join the rest of the group after going in for another drink when it hit me. The stupid #^*#(Q #(^*&* ()&^% wrapped around my back. I don't just mean a small portion of my back, it stung me from on top of my right shoulder, wrapped around my mid section hitting mainly the right side, and possibly the most painful area, the damn thing got both but cheeks and all the way down to the back of my knee.
About the same time I was making it out of the water, Doug starts cursing from 20 yards out. Now the difference between Doug and me was I at least knew what the heck had stung me. Doug bless his heart (cause in the south as long as you add bless your heart you can say any thing you want about someone) had never seen a jelly fish before and was clueless about what was on him. He reached in the water, picked it up and slung it as hard as he could. Here is the problem with picking up a jelly fish, not only does it sting you where it originally touched, but it is going to wrap around your arm. Doug makes it out of the water and we are both walking around the beach trying to stop thinking about this stinging pain shooting around our bodies.
Eventually we can't take it any more and head up to the pool in the hopes that chlorine will make it better. Alas the wedding planner caught us before we could get into the pool. Before we knew it there was apple cider vinegar being poured over our stinging red bodies and then seasoned meat tenderizer. Both vinegar and meat tenderizer neutralize the stinging units called nematocysts. Fortunately for us there was no plain vinegar or tenderizer available, so we smelled like the best steak you could ever hope to put in your mouth for about an hour.
Are you ready for my true display of intelligence? When the stinging subsided, or the alcohol started taking over, I decided we needed to swim some more. Yes you heard right we got back into the ocean after being stung very badly by the jelly fish only an hour before. Smart, you bet!

Still kicking

I quit my job last week. Refer back to the last post, I was having doubts about my sales ability. I tried my best, but at the end of the day I had to concede that I am not a sales person. Currently I am looking for a job that has more education and less numbers. I would love to find a job that would still allow me to travel a limited area. Then again being at an office wouldn't be half bad this winter.
I am young, I have been overly ambitious, and it is time for me to start acting my age. That is 23 as of last Thursday, not 43 as I have been acting. I agree to stay up past 10 on a regular basis, to quit living for the next 10 years, and to enjoy the here and now.

What am I doing?

I am coming to the conclusion that I suck at my job. My success is based solely on the number of admissions I obtain on an average weekly basis. I should have 2-3 by this my 6th month. Unfortunately I average 1.4 and that is unacceptable. I also made a judgment call earlier in the week that got me a written warning from my boss. As a marketer for hospice, I generally am allowed to set my hours. Granted most days are typical 8-5, but some days it is 9-3 and other days it is 8am-9pm. On said day I had a personal dr's appointment that I assumed would last 1 hour. It lasted 2 and the boss called while I was in there. Next day, I receive a call asking me to be in the office at 4 to meet with the boss. When I get there "on time" like I am 99% of the time, I wait about 30 mins then the meeting starts. Long and short of it is I am not performing as expected, weekly meetings with the boss, and weekly rides to learn from another rep. What set me over the edge was my boss saying he had lost all trust in me.
Never have I done anything that I would think should lead to a lack of trust. My accounts are seen. I don't falsify documents or call logs. Seeing 8 accounts doesn't always take 8 hours. My accounts are close together, the majority of them are small offices that I can go right back and speak to the Dr. at.
At the end of the day. I think I am doing what I should be. I am asking the right questions to the right people, but not getting the same response as the other two marketers. WHY? Why do I suck at a job that I am passionate about. I love hospice. I feel fulfilled when patients are admitted and we can help them through this difficult time. I can't figure it out.

It's Friday! It's Friday! It's finally Friday! Oh thank God I made it through this week!

Just keep swimming. . .

I must apologize for my lack of posts recently. Stuff is happening, but nothing interesting enough to put in here. For those of you who know me personally, you know I occasionally have to battle my fibromyalgia. This is shaping up to be a very stressful week. Unfortunately stress directly corresponds to my fatigue level so I am very lethargic right now. Please keep me in your prayers through this trying time.
I just want to be normal sometimes and it makes me very angry that I am not. I sometimes beat myself up and think that I should be used to this by now, but why should I be used to it. I have been in pain for the last 7 years. Not only physical pain, but emotional as well. I mean really do I have to keep smiling all this time.
Then on the flip side I deal with hospice patients every day. I look at them and see that I could be much worse off. I guess we all have things that we deal with.
Sorry didn't mean for this to be a gripe session.

My manicure

Yesterday I got a manicure. I always manage to confuse the manicurist; I don't like to have polish on my nails. The conversation always goes something like this:

Manicurist: What you need?

Me: Basic manicure. No polish.

Manicurist: You pick color. Come here.

Me: No polish (walk over to chair).

Manicurist: What color?

Me: No polish. Just manicure.

Manicurist: Ok clear?

Me: No this is fine. No polish.

Manicurist: (very confused) ok 10 dollar.

When will it be over

"I see the beauty of God's world
when I look into your eyes...
I feel the love H gave me
when you smile at me...
I know the gift He blessed me with
when I hold you in my arms.
Happy Valentine's Day
With All My Love"

The relationship ended less than 1 month later. I still can't tell you why. I try to take some of the responsibility, but I don't know what for. Did I assume to much when he said he loved me? No. I only expected what I was also willing to give, everything I had or ever hoped to have.
Right now I want nothing more than to be by his side helping him get through all of his life's current trials. I want to be in his arms at night and hear him tell me he loves me. I want to spend Friday night having a quiet dinner at home and holding each other on the couch. I want to lay in bed at night and talk about our days. I want him to say I love you, I am about to say my prayers, see you in the morning.
My favorite day was Sunday because we would eat breakfast and get ready for church. We ate dinner with his parents on Sunday nights. He would go outside with his dad to the shop. His mom and I would clean the kitchen and talk about random things.
One day he was on the phone with the lady who owned the land we wanted to build on. His dad came inside and sat down at the table with me. He told me how happy he was that I was in his son's life. His dad was a quiet reserved man who kept his thoughts to himself. That day he welcomed me to the family.
He was so strong spiritually. I know that he prayed about us everyday. We would pray about things over dinner. Blessing the food turned into 10 minutes of prayer together. We would pray together before a big day, sometimes him for me other times me for him.
I know that he loved me, but I don't know what changed. The worst part is I have no idea when it changed. One day he was sitting on the dining room table smiling so big. He said he had figured out how he was going to propose to me. A few weeks later he told me he didn't feel anything when I left, if anything he felt relieved.
I don't know what was missing. I guess one day I will find out what it is that he said was missing. I hated being compared to his ex, but in the end I guess I was. He said there was just something missing that he had with her. I think about the love I have for him. I wasn't missing anything, but maybe that is because I have never experienced what he was missing.
His kiss was perfect. He held me tight when we hugged. Best of all he knew how much I loved when he kissed me on the forehead. I felt so safe in his arms.
I miss him in life's little things: sitting beside him in the truck, cleaning up the kitchen together after dinner, walking around the land and watching his face light up when he showed me how he envisioned the house.
One day God will bring me to a point where I know why this happened. I hope it is soon.

Dreams

When I was younger I wanted to be a fashion model. It was my dream to walk down a New York runway, cameras flashing all around me and headlines describing the new top model. I wanted to study fashion and design. I wanted to make clothes that women could live in. Fashionable, washable and most importantly I wanted to design clothes that made women feel beautiful. I lost that dream along with over $800 in the summer of 2002, but I did get some nice pictures.

Last night a friend asked me about my current dream. For those of you who don't know, here it is. I want to marry a caring, supportive, Christian man. After a few years of marriage, I want to start a family. I want to stay at home with my children, keep a nice clean house and volunteer in the community. Is it really such a crazy dream?

He wanted to know what I would do if my prince charming doesn't make enough money to support me staying at home with children. I don't think having enough money is really the question. Managing what you have and living within your income is the bottom line. He said think about all the stuff you won't have. My point is on all the memories that my children will have. They will know that their parents love them.

Honestly, I just want to know the dreams of my children. I want to support them in their efforts. I don't want them to ever think back to dream they used to have the way I do.